wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
