Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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