the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
