If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
