can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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