my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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