...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
