I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
