a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How's work?
Spinning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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