The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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