The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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