if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
