Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
