ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
