Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
