By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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