So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
