im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
