did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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