Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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