He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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