I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
