I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
