my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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