Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
