Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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