I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
