We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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