im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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