Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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