lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
