just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
