I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Houston, we have a squirter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize