When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
