based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
