Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
