I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
