They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
