Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
