we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
