May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
