I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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