i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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