I just made out with a guy for $7.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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