apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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