insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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