just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
