You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
