Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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