I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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