I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
