Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I touched a dick in church today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
