ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hippo gnu deer
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
