I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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