man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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