Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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