I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize