I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
