He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
