I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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