well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
