I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
