Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this boner is exhausting
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
