I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Say something about gay babies.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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