Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
