So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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