I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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