im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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