What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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