I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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